Weekly Bachelor Blog

And here we go...

Kacie B gets a one on one date.  They go to a deserted island.  Just Ben, Kacie, and a production crew of 25.  They talk about being completely secluded and how they are going to survive.  Tom Hanks would have been so disappointed.  She gets the rose because Kacie says she likes to grocery shop, and no guy likes to do that (am i right fellas, huh? huh?)  I suck.

So the group date takes the gang into the Panamanian rainforest and they end up in Leepo Leepo (anyone who gets this reference gets a round of applause from me).  The girls are surprised to see that the native children immediately run inside upon seeing them arrive at the shores of their village.  This is in no way a surprise to me, as God only knows what diseases these broads are running around with.  All the girls are shocked when Baby Voice decides to "basically" go topless with the exception of the traditional garb the tribe wears.  The rest of the ladies are shocked and appalled by her tactics.  I don't understand how these other girls don't realize that guys like whores (not this guy though).   Flash the goods and a guy will give you attention.  Its been this way since the cavemen.

Desperate for more attention, Baby Voice tells Ben what room she is in and then jumps in the pool when Jamie is talking with Ben and mentions in passing that she thinks she is getting sent home because of Baby Voice's antics.  She's right.

Emily expresses her love for the Chief of Leepo Leepo to lighten the mood instead of talking about her issues with Baby Voice.  Good call.  It's gonna allow her to survive to the next week I would bet.  Emily then attempts to reconcile her differences and the word "respect" is thrown around a lot.  Baby Voice then says she didn't want to "bend over and take it up the tail pipe".  Nice Liar Liar reference.  Linzdi gets the group date rose because, I don't really no why she gets it.  This show is turning my brain to mush.

Baby Voice is seen in her room putting make up on and hoping Ben shows up.  She talks about how she has been mistreated over the years by men, and Ben never shows.  If a guy spit in this girl's face, it wouldn't be enough mistreatment.

The 2 on 1 date is a salsa lesson with Ben, Man Face and Bangs.  The Peanut is sitting next to me on the couch up to this point after getting back from her run.  She is starting to smell a little ripe at this point just adding to my misery.  Man Face's stripping past is making Bangs nervous.  Man Face breaks down during some one on one time and commiserates over never getting a true one on one date.  She shows Ben her scrapbook she has been making over the course of their "journey" together.  It's a despicable array of magazine clippings and construction paper.  It was bad, real bad.  I think Man Face's over dramatic bull shit, terrible use of a glue stick and safety scissors, and trashy tattoos sealed her fate, and she is sent packing from the 2 on 1.

Paris Hilton and the rest of the girls get a visit from Chris Harrison.  He must be getting paid overtime since he had to pop in on the ladies outside of the cocktail party/rose ceremony.  He pulls Paris aside to chat about her love life in the US, Michael.  The nosey bitches watch through the glass as Chris confronts Paris and she backpedals and side steps like a true champ.  She then says "maybe I should be in therapy".  Is rain wet....
Therapist Harrison suggests having a chat with Ben and how she does't want to be in love with Michael, but she is.  This is Harrison's lame ass attempt to make right what he fucked up so badly with Bentley and Ashley.  Harrison sits there making her confess to Ben her other love like a father who makes his kid take the candy bar back to the 7/11 after they stole it.  Paris has a total meltdown on national tv to get a little more air time before Ben tells her to go home.  Ben tries his best contemplative gaze on the balcony while Paris wheezes in the stairwell.  ABC and the producers made her leave in such a rush they didn't even let her put shoes on.  She continues her childish theatrics in the minivan.  Anyone else not seeing any tears fall out of her eyes, she just looked greasy.

Jamie tries to make up for lost time and be aggressive by straddling Ben and making out, while insinuating she wants to do him.  She also talks to much and is a prude.  She is trying to act like the girl in the movies who is the ugly duckling, but takes her glasses off and voila, is hot.  This ploy will not work.  Too slutty, too late.

Anyway, quick wrap up, Man Face, Paris, and Jamie (the one who could not keep the attention of Ben while Baby Voice was in the pool) are sent packing.

This leaves:

Nicki (who skates by while be invisible the whole episode)
Baby Voice
Emily the Tattletale
Lindzi (already had rose)
Kacie (already had a rose)
Bangs (already had a rose)

Next week the gang heads to Belize.  

Cheers until next week,

Bobbaganoosh

The Bane of Existence: The Bachelor, Season 538

I figured I would save The Peanut from my ranting about one of her favorite shows.  I think that it's a prerequisite of being a woman (Hate video games, love the bachelor, eat things and say "I shouldnt have eaten that")


Anyway, the episode begins with the Ben and his bitches flying to Puerto Rico from Park City.  Nikki got the first one on one date, but the moment had to be stolen by Courtney, who will henceforth be known as Baby Voice, due to her annoying way she thinks talking like a baby is hot.  I hate you.


Nicki states that she would be "really bummed if she came all the way to Puerto Rico and didnt get a rose on the date.  Thank you for letting us know that because we couldnt have figured that out without her letting us in on her deepest feelings.  


Did Ben just say "rad"?  The last time that word was cool, pubic hair was fashionable.


Nicki the foreshadower said the date was going great, what could possibly go wrong?  Rain.  And not regular rain, sideways rain.  They both then run in the rain barefoot, which I can think of no better idea than running barefoot through the streets of a third world country.  Additionally, her dress, which was awful to begin with, now looks like a trashbag that was left outside at a family barbeque.  They get new "threads" and Ben indulged his inner douche, and went with white linen.  He looked like Scaramanga from "The Man with the Golden Gun", minus the third nipple.



He then drops a great nugget of wisdom while they creep on a wedding that is currently in progress.  "I think being engaged is a lot different than being married."  I feel an ulcer starting to form.


I will say this, Nicki is a little "thicker" than the typical Bachelor girl.  This is a good thing in my book.  She looks as if she doesnt starve herself to achieve a body image that for most is unattainable without extreme measures being taken.  At the conclusion of the date, they discuss the one thing that gets a dude's dick harder than anything else: her failed marriage.  She thinks its her being "open and vulberable."  I call it the eventual kiss of death to this "relationship".


The group of girls discuss who is the most deserving of the one on one date.  By process of elimination, Elyse gets the one on one, and Man Face (Blakely) is not happy.  Moving on...


Nikki gets the rose.  Shocker.  I need someone to go back through the previous seasons and find out how many girls didnt actually get the rose on a one on one date.  It's gotta be in the single digits.  If you get a one on one, you have to assume you have that thing locked up, unless you start talking about how big ex boyfriend's dicks were, how you like to shit with the door open, or that you are awaiting the results to your AIDS test.


The group date is a baseball game.  They run them through warm up drills, fielding, batting, and cartwheels.  Chris throws a wrench into the plans. I LOVE A GOOD TWIST!  Teams will be split up, and the winning team gets to attend the beach party that night, with the losers going back to the hotel to get drunk and talk about how in love they are with Ben after 4 weeks.


Baby Voice and Man Face are appointed captains.  Baby Voice is impressed with Man Face's skills on the diamond and says "she didnt know that strippers were so good at baseball."  Sorta funny.  Ben and the girls keeps talking about how intense the game is.  I dont ever remember playing in a game that was intense that had construction fencing as the outfield wall.  Jennifer K's to end the game, and Man Face berates the team in the dugout about how hard she tried, and of course breaks down to tears as the winners are whisked off in a helicopter, because she wont have the time with Ben.  Just. Stop.  The over dramatic bullshit is wearing on my patience.  This may be my first and last live blog of this goddamned show.



Baby Voice continues to scheme and talk shit about all the other girls and how wrong every other one of her "teammates" are for Ben.  He gives the rose to Casey B. because she is a good listener.  Don't expect that to last pal.  Baby Voice tells us how she has a plan, and takes him down to the beach to be alone.  She says "like" 57 times (ballpark) in a 3 minute talk with him.  I wish Kenny Powers would have celebrity pitched to this girl during the game and knocked her the fuck out.  Apparently since ABC is such a family channel, they blur out Baby Voice's side boob,  They want to take away one of the few reasons to watch this show.


The second one on one date is with Snooki's cousin, Elyse.  Before the date even starts, she is crying because she gave up her job to be on the show.  Good call.  I think one of these atrocities have actually culminated in a lasting marriage.  On top of that, there are 24 other girls on every show.  Way to play the odds on that one.


They are on a yacht cruising around.  Snooki's cousin reading her resume to Ben on how she follows through on most things she starts.  The producers told Ben that they should jump off the side of the boat, so they jump off the side of the boat and there is an underwater camera to catch the impact with the water.  I'm glad this show allows people to be spontaneous and isn't planned out at all.  The dinner portion (does it bother anyone else that they never show them eating?) goes south when Snooki's cousin basically says she is on the show because she is "sick of being single".  This rubs Benny the wrong way, and Snooki;s cousin is sent back to Jersey.  Of course I spoke earlier about how it was a guaranteed rose if you got the one on one.  Damn you bachelor, I'm back.  One of the best parts of this show is just how brutal it is that a camera is shoved in the face of the recently departed.  Its the classic watching a car crash in slow motion.  Ben is poetically shown walking down the beach, and tosses the unused rose into the ocean.  How emotional...


Seeing Snooki's cousin have her bag removed by a show henchman, Baby Voice states "you know, its getting down to the wire, you cant keep everyone, every week."  Brilliant.  She also ponders, "whether Ben has ever skinny dipped with a model".  We get it, You're a whore.  Anyway, they go skinny dipping and Baby Voice makes her 5th Charlie Sheen "winning" reference.  I wish the opening scene from Jaws would have happened.




At this point, I had to take a break from the drivel to wait for the rose ceremony,  but I'm sure Emily talked shit about Baby Voice again.


Does anyone else hate how the music immediately changes the second he touches that first rose?


Roses in the order given:


Lindzi
Jamie
Bangs aka Rachel
Baby Voice
Paris HIlton aka Casey S
Man Face


then, the Man with the Easiest Job on Earth, lets all our blind viewers know that it's the final rose tonight.


finally, Emily gets a rose, sending Ginger Jennifer home.  She leaves with class, wishing him luck.  Must be a ginger trait to be a good person.  She inevitably breaks down in the limo in the midst of a hiccup attack and heads back to her boring life as an accountant in Oklahoma City.  Welcome back to humanity.


The gang heads to Panama City, Panama, which for my money is the second best Panama City in the world.







Hope you enjoyed my tainted views, See you next week.


Cheers,


Bobbaganoosh

There is something wrong with the Sky

Actual photo of Greater Cleveland over the past 10 days


As I look out my window, I am noticing something that is stunning me.  The sky outside has taken on this light blue hue that must be some sort of chemical reaction that has been released into the atmosphere over Northeast Ohio.  Someone should alert the authorities.


The Fall was always a time in the year that I truly looked forward to.  It was a time when the leaves changed colors, the temperatures cooled down, and football was getting started.  Enjoying the changing colors, along with my affinity for cold weather and football made it the perfect time of the year.  Beer takes on a different taste  and we all start preparing ourselves for the impending doom of winter.  Its our last opportunity to enjoy the outdoors before we lock ourselves inside for 4 to 5 months.


I have been training over the past few months for the Columbus Half Marathon that will take place in a little under two weeks.  I would like to claim I am prepared, but I don't feel that I am.  With a long of 8 miles thus far, I don't see how I will finish without breaking my goal of not walking.  I know I still have time, but I am going to have to dig deep.


Something that is in worse shape that my training in the Ohio State Football program, which continues to blindly follow this douchebag of an AD, Gene Smith.  It came out yesterday that two of the suspended players, and an additional offender accepted more payment than was appropriate for summer jobs, and will thus be suspended for this upcoming weekends drubbing at the hands of Nebraska.  Smith is continuing his defense that "it's a few bad apples and not a loss of institutional control."  This is the same guy that ran Jimmy T out of town, putting the blame solely upon his shoulders.  Fuck you, Gene Smith.  Your head needs to be the next to roll.


After watching the offensive ineptitude that OSU displayed against Michigan State, I am debating watching the assured dismantling at the hands of the Cornhuskers.  OSU's season will be like a car crash to me:  I don't want to watch, but I can't look away.  


In tech news, Apple is supposed to unveil the next iPhone's.  If I didn't have one, I would care, and if they weren't set to release an iOS update that is a game changer I would care.  I am more amped for the iOS launch than seeing the new phones.


Anyway, my beer selections of the week are Southern Tier Pumking and Thirsty Dog Barktoberfest.  

Both are great autumn brews that will keep your insides warm when the mercury starts to drop.  I know everyone is washing the balls of Yuengling because they finally released it in Ohio, but these two choices are only available during  this time of the year, so don't pass 'em up.


Cheers,


Bobbaganoosh

My apologies...

To all 4 of you who actually read this blog on a regular basis, sorry for the extended absence of fresh material from my brain.  Been a busy few months, what with weddings, weekend trips, winning club championships, and joining my first fantasy football league (I'm gonna get rolled).

I'm gonna take the time today to discuss my Alma Mater, and how I see the season progressing, on a game by game breakdown of the Buckeyes' schedule.  I will be attending this weekend's game against MAC powerhouse, Akron.  Thanks Alumni Lottery, how did you know that I really wanted the Akron game?  What a waste of $150.

Anyway, here we go...

Akron- Sept. 3
One of the 2-3 cupcake games that OSU puts on the schedule every year.  A little more than a glorified practice.  Buckeyes Record: 1-0

Toledo- Sept. 10
The cupcake  games I just referenced...you guessed it, here is #2.  Buckeyes Record: 2-0

@ Miami (FL.)- Sept. 17
The Battle of the Broken Programs.  With all of the offseason issues  both of these programs have faced, it will be interesting to see how each one comes out and plays (Miami only plays at Maryland prior to the OSU game, and should be prepared, but with what players remains unknown.)  Ohio State will have yet to face a formidable opponent, but I think Ohio State still is victorious, and the QB debate has been solidified after this game.  Buckeyes Record: 3-0

Colorado- Sept. 24
Don't know much about the Buffaloes.  It's a home game though, and for that reason alone, I see OSU being victorious against a mid to bottom level Pac-12 opponent.  Buckeyes Record: 4-0

Michigan State- Oct. 1
Michigan State is much improved from previous years.  With their success last year (winning a share of the Big Ten Title, New Year's Day bowl), they are riding a high right now under the direction of former OSU assistant Mark Dantonio.  Michigan State has not played well in Ohio Stadium though, and although the game may be tighter than some in the recent past, Ohio State holds on thanks to the defense.
Buckeyes Record: 5-0

@ Nebraska- Oct. 8
All of the suspended players who made a promise to remain at Ohio State and not leave like a pussy will be back for this game, the largest of the season up to this point..  It's not gonna matter.   Nebraska, in a night game, will prevail, handing Ohio State their first loss of the season.  Buckeyes Record: 5-1

@ Illinois- Oct. 15
The Fighting Illini always seem to bring their best when they are facing Ohio State.  My senior year, they delivered a loss to OSU at home that would have sent them tumbling from the National Championship picture in their second to last game of the season, but divine intervention stepped in and allowed us to lose our second straight National Title game.  Awesome.  Anyway, OSU is bigger, and wins in a tight one.  That's what she said.  Buckeyes Record: 6-1

Wisconsin- Oct. 29
This game will decide whether Ohio State plays in the first ever Big Ten Championship game in Indianapolis on Dec. 3.
Coming off a Bye Week will be the saving grace for Luke's boys.  Wisconsin travels to Michigan State the week before for a night game, and then comes to Columbus for another away, night game.  With all the success that we had against Michigan over my tenure as a student, I really developed a hatred for Wisconsin. I even hate the dumbass "W" their band has on their unis.  Over the last 4 meetings, we are 2-2 with the Badgers.  Anyway, as I said earlier, the home field advantage proves important, as does the week of rest.  Buckeyes prevail.  Buckeyes Record: 7-1

Indiana- Nov. 5
It's Indiana....Buckeyes win.  Buckeyes Record: 8-1

@ Purdue- Nov. 12
Another middle of the pack Big Ten team that Ohio State should have no problem dispatching.
Buckeyes Record: 8-1

Penn State- Nov. 19
If Penn State had a QB from the get go that they trusted, I could see this being a difficult game, but with all the  issues surrounding a Penn State team that has only had a tie of a Big Ten title twice in the last 15 years, I don't see this game being a problem.  Buckeyes Record: 9-1

@Michigan- Nov. 26
This will be one of the closest games in the rivalry since the 2006 1 vs. 2 matchup in Columbus.  I could see Ohio State losing this game, but for the sake of this prediction, I am going to say they prevail, and continue their streak of victories over the Team from Up North to 8 (although the records will not show such a streak due to the vacating of all of 2010's victories).

I see Ohio State playing Nebraska again in the Big Ten Championship game, and unfortunately losing to them.    I just hope to see a season of good games with some success for Luke Fickell after he has been thrust into this position where people all expect him to fail.  Enjoy the games, everybody.

Cheers,

Bobbaganoosh

My Brother has a Wife

Still odd for me to say, but my brother is married, has a wife, and I have a sister-in-law.

It was a great long weekend that I was a part of, although I couldn't do it on a regular basis.  I went to the zoo (f off haters, sometimes you gotta do the sensitive stuff for the girl) and thought I was gonna collapse due to heat exhaustion and having no gas in my legs.  Friday was the 1st and hopefully only Annual Craig Burrows Freedom Outing, which grouped friends and family who fancy themselves golfers against one another for some cash and bragging rights.  Seeing as how I organized it, it would be fitting that my group would win the whole thing, although there was no foul play involved.  All you boys just need to tighten your games up, that's all.

Lou had been losing at the track, so my win helped to recoup some losses.  That, and the

Smails kid picking his nose.

Then came the rehearsal for the ceremony and rehearsal dinner.  To me, this past weekend was nothing but a blur of open bars, and a lot more hard liquor than I am used to drinking.  For those of you who have never drank Bombay Sapphire and tonic with a lime, I highly recommend it.  After rehearsal dinner, stoagies were lit to celebrate The Brother's last evening as a free man (and to try and make sure he really wanted to go through with it).

Saturday was a relaxed morning.  The photographer was set to arrive at 11:15 AM, so naturally, our preparation for the arrival started at approximately 11:08 AM.  Took a few photos with the groomsmen, slugged a few brews, and started on our way to a life of imprisonment for The Brother.  Beautiful ceremony, although seemed long when you are standing on your feet on a tile floor with tuxedo shoes on. Limo bus escorted the wedding party to various locations for pictures, as well as giving us an opportunity to loosen up with some libations before the reception.  The rest of the night flew after my speech, which if you have not seen, can be viewed here, but fun was had by all.  Nobody got too rowdy, but there were numerous people who needed cabs.

But enough about the wedding, I need to talk about the Tribe last night.  Sitting there watching them get no two out hits and leave countless men on base, I became frustrated.  Batista made an unbelievable play at third base, and then hit a bomb 2/3 of the way up the bleachers in the 8th for the "4th insurance run" when it looked all game like 1 would be enough.  Then a single, a couple walks, another single, and Hafner strolls to the plate.  He takes a huge hack at the first pitch (to which i received a text from an AnF employee who shall remain nameless saying "I said: 'please dont swing at the first pitch.") As soon as it left the bat he turns toward the Toronto dugout, flexes, yells, and takes his walk around the diamond after his second last at bat homer this season. 

Hafner's "Do you know how big my dick is?" Face

The only thing close to being as entertaining was Luis Perez' reaction, yelling his disgust into his glove, the way Little Leaguers do when they don't want their Dad to hear them cuss.  Here's to hoping the Tribe can end the break on a high note, and carry it into the second half.

Bobbaganoosh's Beer Corner Recommendation of the Week:  No beer choice this week.  Have a Bombay and Tonic with a lime and enjoy.

Cheers,

Bobbaganoosh

Big Weekend Ahead...

Big weekend upcoming in Bobbaganoosh's life.  The younger brother is parting ways with bachelorhood and getting hitched.  It was inevitable and only a matter of time until it happened, so I can't really say that I didn't see it coming.  He's got a good girl, she's moving to TN with him, and they will start their new life together.

I will attempt to have my speech taped, and see if I can even link it to here when i recover from what is sure to be a very long weekend.  Lots of out of town family are descending on Cleveland, so it will be good to catch up and throw back a few drinks with them.



On another note, I would just like to express my absolute disdain for Grady Sizemore in particular and the offense of the Cleveland Indians.  I know they won last night, but the hitting from this team over the past month has been a joke.  Sizemore needs to spend more time in the cage and not so much time taking pictures of himself in the mirror, fucking pretty boy.


Management has a big decision to make in the next few weeks too.  With the trade deadline just over a month away, do they deal the talent for more "prospects", or do they say "let's try and make a run at the Central" and go out and get a bat?  Only time will tell.

Beer Recommendation of the Week:  Thirsty Dog Whippet Wheat

Everyone enjoy their long holiday weekends, and don't be stupid and drive drunk.  Ask Shin Soo Choo.  Or Ryan Dunn.  Too soon?

Cheers,

Bobbaganoosh

T(he) P(lague) has been eliminated

              High School                                                OSU

Don't worry, he has receipts for all of those.

Yesterday the second domino fell, as Terrelle Pryor bitched out and had his lawyer deliver a one sentence statement that his tenure at The Ohio State University was over.  This should come as no surprise to anyone (as I had been saying since the Tressel resignation that I thought he would never put on the Scarlet and Gray again).  As the wise Craig Vild stated yesterday, to call Pryor's flameout from Columbus "Clarett-esque" is to do a disservice to Mo.  At least he brought us a National Championship....

Cyrus the Virus beared many similarities to TP2


In other flameout, douchebag news, Tiger Woods announced he would not be playing in this year's US Open at the regal Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, MD due to a lingering injury to his twice repaired knee and achilles that he allegedly injured on an awkward shot in the third round of the Masters this year.  Bobbaganoosh's brother knew 3 weeks ago that TW would not be playing in the "toughest examination of the players' golf games" they face all year.  Tiger's injury is much worse than he is leading us to believe.  It is my belief that he needs another season ending surgery (possibly to repair both knees).  The injuries, along with his constant swing tinkering, and lack of strange ass are all creating the perfect storm that has lead to him dropping to 15th in the World Golf Rankings.
Does anyone else see the outlier here?


The Tribe ended their 5 game slide last night by beating the Twins 1-0 behind solid pitching from Carlos Carrasco and some surprisingly good defense.  As their lead in the AL Central has dwindled to a mere 1.5 game lead over the Tigers, they need to get back on track, and in my humble opinion, make some line up changes.  Chisenhunt should get a shot at 3rd, LaPorta should be riding pine, and if Santana does not become more productive on the offensive side, he should join LaPorta.

Finally, let's talk about Weiner.  Anthony Weiner, that is.  This dumbass sends pictures of his namesake to a pornstar who he then tried to keep quiet by asking her if she needed some PR help from people on his staff.  This guy is all-time man.  I know you were jealous that your brother, Jeremy Schaap was more famous than you, but Tweeting pictures of your dick to a woman who sucks them for a living is probably not the best way to draw attention to yourself.  Just saying.


Jeremy Schaap is very disappointed in his brother.

I am also going to start a little section at the end of my posts called "Bobbaganoosh's Beer Corner", where I will make recommendations for beers that I have recently enjoyed, and are worth a try.  Today's is Brooklyn Brewery's Summer Ale.  Nice English Pale Ale with citrus notes, a slight taste of banana and a crisp finish.

Cheers,

Bobbaganoosh